He came over to me at Harris Teeter today and asked if what I was doing tonight. I told him I was working all night and then going home and sleeping because I had to work tomorrow morning as well. I shoulda been in the clear, but he just had to reach into his stinking little fagbag and pull out a fucking check. (The policy at Harris Teeter is that you must ask anyone writing a check for the telephone number.)
Me asking for his phone number to write on the check excited the guy quite a bit. I immediately realized what was going on in his mind and I didn't like it one bit. I have no issue with gays, but I'd rather let them keep their business between themselves, I just don't want to get probed.
After I ask for his number he looks at me, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed and says his number and then adds, "Don't worry honey, I will be home all night." This took me back just a tad. I was both excited and scared. Excited because I fucking called that I was going to get hit on from the moment I saw the guy walk through the door. Also excited because I am apparently this guys type. However I was also quite scared for just the same reason. I am apparently "gay friendly."
This should have been about the end of our encounter, but the check he gave me had no information on it, (I half think he printed it up himself, but I don't really care. People could give me monopoly money and I would take it). So as I am writing all of the shit from his ID onto the check, he asked me if I watch Mad Men. He told me that he would be alone all night watching Mad Men. I told him that I heard of it but unfortunately never seen the show. The irony in this is that at that moment I decided that I was never happier in my life about not seeing a particular show.
In the end I felt very humored by the whole situation. It panned out almost as I would have expected it to. I think I may have been more excited about being hit on by a guy than is commonly accepted by the heterosexual male culture, but they can all go and suck a dick.
I also wondered to myself what it would be like to be gay. How perfect would it be if I were gay. I could have possibly met my sole mate today in the grocery store and we could have gone and made brown babies all over the place and contracted AIDs, syphilis, and all the hepatitis letters! I guess in the end, some people are just not made to be gay. Maybe in another life.
